notguilty1202

Well last night was pretty fucking awesome. Went to purgatory for the first time, and it kicked ass. I danced, I raved, and had to be searched by this really old guy that seemed to like to touch my groin. Rode with Jordan out there and met up with Lisa, Cori, and Riki. After that we were going to go eat, but Jordan's mom decided she wanted her home ASAP, so he had to turn around a mile down the road from the place. Thus pretty much ending my night. Except for the fact that I had to work six hours before I went to Purgatory... That was fun!

Over the past couple of days, I've done a lot of thinking. Thniking about relationships, life, things like that, and I've come to two simple conclusions

Relationships- WHAT THE FUCK!!! I might want a relationship, but it's not something I need. True enough that every time I get in a relationship, my heart gets ripped out and someone takes a huge steamy shit on it, but that's not the point. All of those people that have said that "You're not my type" "I only see you as a friend" "I just don't feel that way towards you", well here's my statement for that... If the girls aren't going to even give me a chance, then they can shimmy up a rain pipe for all I care because I sex good, and I can treat girls a hell of a lot better then most of the loser limp dick ass holes in the world. But you know, I don't care, go off and do what you want because when you're gone, I can find something new. Thus ending my statement on relationships

Life- Isn't this just one big ferris wheel that's just rapidly spinning out of control. It's start off slow: You have your UPs, then you have your downs, you have UPS, then you have your downs, then some little bastard runs over, hits the ride operator in the head and cranks up the speed on this baby. You begin to get your ups and downs sooner and closer in between: up, down, up, down, up, down, up, down... But then something happens.... One of two things can happen ONE: the little bastard well decide that's enough and let you off of the ride, or TWO: the bolts on the wheel break, AND YOU ROLL ACROSS THE WHOLE FUCKING AREA ROLLING OVER PEOPLE CAUSING DESTRUCTION AND MAYHEM!!! But I digress. True enough, life is what you want it to be... You can have a good life if you want to (bullshit) or you can have a bad life if you don't try hard enough... Or that's what was crammed into our head when we were six years old just starting school not knowing how to tie our shoes or wipe our own asses for that matter. We are told that if you strive hard enough, you can accomplish anything... Well that hobo on the street corner asking for change, what did he strive for? Do you think he expected his life to a shit hole like it is? I DON'T THINK SO!!!

That's it for my rampaging journal entry

Well, today was my first day of work... It really helped to get my mind off of things. It really wasn't that bad of a job either. I just walk around and cleaning up the theatres... It's a cake job really. Of course the guy who trained me was a little digusting. He told me that if I wanted drink either bring my own cup, or just dig through the garbage and get a cup out of there.... FUCK THAT!!! that's absolutely disgusting... There's no telling what the people had that were drinking out of those cups. I still have to thank my friend Melanie for getting me the job. I really needed one. I got my apetite back too.... I'm fucking starving right now. I'll add more tonight if I do anything

Tonight was awesome... Went to a Wednsday13 concert with Lisa, Cori, and Evan. I talked to the lead singer of the opener... He gave me a free cd... On top of all of that... It's really good music. I'm out of money now though, and almost out of cigarettes... going to be rough with my mom still going to be gone for three days and almost out of cigarettes... Oh well I'll figure something out

Well, my mom and sister left for MS... I don't really like being left alone like this... I start thinking about things that I don't want to think about... I just wish someone was in the house with me. Even if they were on the other side of the house, I wouldn't care. As long as I knew that someone would stop me if I did something stupid. Heh heh... I guess you could say I'm afraid of being alone... Hell, it scares the shit out of me. And really don't want to deal with this insecurity right now. I took some tylenol today, and that really didn't help with my headache... Maybe I'm just thinking that I have a headache.... Just something that I thought up because I want it to hurt... Who knows. I have a new feeling too... Like butterflies in my stomach like i'm exicted about something... but I know there's nothing to be excited about. At least not right now... I just don't know what's going on

Another uneventful day.... I need some action in my life. I still have my headache too... Now I'm really beginning to worry because I don't know what's wrong... It seems like everday I wake up, my mood gets deeper and deeper like i'm really angry at something, but I don't know what it is

Well, what a day... went over to Cori's new apartment and helped her a little bit by putting her bed and a guy named Even and I put the dining set together. After that, we went back to my house carrying along Cori, Even, Lisa, and Riki to pick up my sister to go the concert at Tremont. Awesome music there I must say. Plus seemed to get a little bit closer to Cori. Once we left, Dave, Ben, Even, Lisa, Riki, Cori, Haley, and myself went to a restaurant called Knotts and ate sitting there until about three, then headed out to go back to my house to drop me and Haley off. Near my house we had to stop because Lisa's eyesight was blurring and she was about to fall asleep, so I drove to my house leaving my at the end of my Carnival Story.

It's odd, but a have the strange gift to tell when something is wrong with someone, and I could tell that with Lisa and Cori tonight. They had the same look in their eyes, but it seemed like from different things. And what I read from Lisa's journal she has been depressed lately. Hopefully, she'll be better soon because Jonathan is coming down to visit her. But Cori, I can't tell what's wrong. I really dig that deep. I mean, it might be that she's just stressed because she just go an apartment and doesn't really know how she's going to pay for all of it, but maybe when I get my car not caught up, I might move in with her. It's really her decision. But I wouldn't want to be alone in an apartment, I'd have to get a roommate, or I probably wouldn't stay there.

"I'm Not God, But Pretty Damn Close" (Li Li! I did it)

Is it alright to tell you the words that have been bored into my head
Losing sight of what exactly drives me to what you have
With only you in my vision crying like you've never done
Heart-sunk love is a twisted thing to play choice of words
Afraid of emotion that drives the helpless child
To play with the ball in the line of fire
Concorted Circumstances causing life to bloom from the gaping hole
And springing the new world upon the wreath baring maiden called love

another of one of those wonderful, yet uneventful days. A couple of days ago thoug, I ran the internet into my room, so i don't even have to leave my bed now... SWEET!!! But the disadvantage is this damn Guild Wars game has gotten me so lazy that i've been refusing to eat. It always seems like that with me. I fix one problem with another. Oh well, I guess you gotta fight fire with fire, but how are you suppose to put the fire out? Gotta get up early in the morning to go help my friend Cori move... I hope I don't over sleep like usual, or else i'm just going to feel like shit

I took another online test for depression and bipolar disorder. It's the funniest thing that this is the fifth test I've taken, and it said the exact same thing as the last four. I have noticed a dramatic change in my personality. I seem to be lashing at people for no apparent reason what so ever. Maybe it's just my imagination, or I'm just actually going crazy. Who knows because I defnitely don't. This is the fifth day in a row though i've had a headache... I've been able to control it though, but it does get annoying, but it hasn't really affected my sleeping or anything, so it must be nothing

On a positive note; I got a job. A little movie theatre just down the road from my house. Hopefully that'll get me back on track financially, then I can begin preparing for college

That'll do it for my journal entry...

yeah... Yesterday was pretty uneventful... Had to show my sister around town a little bit.... Oh, I did get into a car wreck and kinda trashed my car... Enough more... I gotta find a job soon so I can get it fixed because it looks really shitty right now. Other then that... Nothing happened

Eyuhh... Went to the club last night... Got hit on by a gay guy yet again... I'm starting to think I'm proned these situations... Of course if he really would have done what he said he was going to do. I probably wouldn't have taken it too well. I mean I can understand he was joking around, and I can take a good joke, but there's sometimes when it goes to far. I actually sort of dance for the first time last night too. More like raved though... It was fun either way. But of course I woke up this morning and my arms were terribly sore, but it's all ok. I went there with a couple of my friends named Cori and Lisa, but met two other guys up there that I couldn't figure out if they were just friends of if they were lovers, but I guess that's none of my business. Also met a transexual named Mek who was interested in hearing me sing to be back-up vocals for his band... Really cool I must say, but my voice is completely shitty this morning so now I'm starting to worry...

Anyway... That pretty much covers my first journal entry...